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October 15 thank you.seeman gets first mention cause he reminded me of the times i had on here. he's always been a curious one and i thank him for caring in such a way at least to the happenings and wonderings in my own world. he has always been quite sharp with his eyes and his mind, he's often been someone who can read a few levels into what you say and write. conversely his own point of view has always been wonderful to share. mel gets second mention i think for always being very quick and honest with her comments. always encouraging and curious as well, albiet a little different to seeman's style, but still has been kind enough to give her time for a read of this lil blog of mine. mel's probably commented the most numerously on this site and it's always interesting to bounce ideas and things off her. chee, ah well, always around to give a funny or kick in the bum sort of quip, quick humour and simple adfice, no frills sort of thing. my english will never be at his level, but it';s thanks to his and phil's corrects have i improved a little since year 12. yet another important comment giver to this often rambling and ranting blog of mine. phil, is one of a few who can also sift through all the crap i ramble on about, and understand, where as most ppl will not. cracks me up with comments as well and definitely another great blogger that i used to look forward to reading, back in the days when we all blogged. and special thanks to other readers who have come by and also those who have commented as well like dan, e, shannon, jim, dil, mary, jenga, albert, rod, julie, sonya, patty, rita and anyone who i might have forgotten to mention, thank you. it's a been over three and a half years. that's quite something and although for the last few months i've been dormant ah, this blog has been a great soapbox and balcony type of thing for which i have mumbled, talked out, yelled and screamed things out. into the open and off my chest ahh ye good times. things that have been shared here were how i really felt at the time or very close to. i dont feel sad leaving this place, as i sort of did leave it some months ago, we drifted apart i guess. however, the feeling of typing like this, straight from the top of my head and posting it out to others and getting responses, it's always gonna be with me and who knows, there might be a return. i dont think i can lose my liking for this pleasant process. i know when i read back on these entries, oh they will be funny and they will jog my mind back to those days when i sat and typed for long periods of time and tried to think up interesting titles and poems. good times, good times, good times indeed. but ive got to move on. time isnt as free as it used to seem, and well ive begun to understand myself a bit better, probably through here a bit and well just living. looking back, damn i really did write heaps and am ye really thankful for those who took the time to scan through all the mumbo jumbo i dished out lol. quite a feat guys :]. um, well that's about all i can think of to say at this moment. take care readers and friends, au revoir signing out (for now) james morrison - you make it real will. ALL GOOD. June 16 rethinking.bonjour defeat.
for you i pray tonight
i only hope you'll be alright that you smile again and see your fragile heart mend there is more that i would say
if i could just show you the way more than what i could do to rescue you from you definitely easy amused
always wearing a face bemused i know it was never so easy don't try and remember, keep it hazy sorry i made a mistake
sorry i asked for more than i could take maybe it was a phase i hope or maybe that's how im trying to cope there is a lot more i wish for
more than i could afford or reveal what i have always known about you to me you have never shown thought i could say it all
find my voice to take the fall protect you with my best shield you from the worst but it is all the same
this is me all over again in afraid to lose you, i lost me risking it all now isn't something i can see so this is goodbye
this i say with a deep deep sigh it was never ever spoken but this is enough, already broken still i wish you happiness
that you keep your smile, your best for though i have lost you know you won't have lost me, adieu ---
i spent a few hours today reading jason mraz's blog entries. he is one cool and collected musician. he definately inspires me. i tihnk i might catch him when he comes down in august. he covers a lot of things in his blogs, lately he's being giving humorous travel tips, inspired by his recent world tour i guess. he also did a few funny quips about masturbation (u probably wont get why, but it's far from being vulgar) and insightful comments on the places he's been the people he's met. definately an enjoyable read, even though im not really a blog reader, or a reader much. there we go:
i think im gonna try a different way of blogging from now on. i wont say how, but yeah let's give it a trail period shall we :p
i just got really side tracked. but yeah nothing's really been happening. just been coughing my way through the last few days. and since i finished two fridays ago ive worked with only three days off. so yeah i guess good for my savings, but not good for my overall wellbeing.
let's hope i recover for monday, after work ive got some work celebrating-getting-through-first few-months thing on at...lucky coq's of all places lol and then bowling at strike...well pending how things go i might just skip bowling. product night is booked in for weds and i think there's something on the nineteenth...woo... but i think work should be less anyway :p
speaking of work ive been thinking about getting design work... that it's time. but there are things here nd there that well stop it from being an easy task, so yeah it's something that i really need to look into though, but for the NUMEROUS readers here, im advertising myself now, if u need the assistance of a designer say for a wedding cert or album cover lol...watever, give me a try...im not worth much right now, so u can probably get a cheap deal. you asians must be raising your arms right now in delight. harhar i know...no.
i wonder how my graduating friends will do this year as well. to me i cant even begin to comprehend how it must feel...i mean knowing my friends many probably havent considered it much, but yeah it's by far the biggest transition we'll have to get through. but..but i think it should b ok, i mean as long as u dont give up either u'll get off ur ass or someone will get u off ur ass ...eventually, just depends how long.
music wise ive been inspired by an artist by the name of shimizu shota, who at nineteen is already a smooth rnb performer. i first heard his latest single 'aishiteru' some weeks ago and it's been on the replay and has resulted in my getting his first single too 'home' which is a song that displays his wonderful range. yeah definItely someone to watch for. otherwise ive been replaying joe hisaishi's latest work for last years korean drama - the legend.
visually ive been enchanted by the latest taiga drama on nhk - atsuhime starring aoi miyazaki and eita :], following japan's gradual opening up in the mid eighteen-hundreds to early nineteenth c. - i think dont quote me on those dates. and also the emotionally draining and dramatic last friends starring even more top names. google it if ur interested but yeah definitely has been an interesting journey, every ep has been so drawing and heavy.
um..well that's about it...
im really liking these lyrics atm:
jason mraz - the remedy
I saw fireworks from the freeway
And behind closed eyes I cannot make them go away 'Cause you were born on the fourth of july, freedom ring Now something on the surface it stings I said something on the surface Well it kind of makes me nervous Who says that you deserve this And what kind of god would serve this? We will cure this dirty old disease If you've got the poison I've got the remedy The remedy is the experience. This is a dangerous liaison I say the comedy is that it's serious. This is a strange enough new play on words I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend The rest of your nights with the light on So shine the light on all of your friends When it all amounts to nothing in the end. I won't worry my life away. I won't worry my life away. I heard two men talking on the radio In a cross fire kind of reality show Uncovering the ways to plan the next big attack They were counting down the ways to stab The brother in the be right back after this The unavoidable kiss, where the minty fresh Death breath is sure to outlast this catastrophy Dance with me, because if you've got the poison, I've got the remedy The remedy is the experience. This is a dangerous liaison I say the comedy is that it's serious. This is a strange enough new play on words I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend The rest of your nights with the light on So shine the light on all of your friends When it all amounts to nothing in the end. I won't worry my life away. I won't worry my life away. When I fall in love I take my time There's no need to hurry when I'm making up my mind You can turn off the sun but I'm still gonna shine and I'll tell you why Because The remedy is the experience. This is a dangerous liaison I say the comedy is that it's serious. This is a strange enough new play on words I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend The rest of your nights with the light on So shine the light on all of your friends When it all amounts to nothing in the end. I won't worry my life away. I won't worry my life away. I won't and I won't and I won't ---
ok time for some rest. adieu
COLOR - If I...
coughity cough.
.w i l l (',') - barriers between the deep. May 11 the hell.what...the hell. my entry just disappeared into thin air. ok next time i guess.
lalalala...
.w i l l ('.') - romantic ideals away. April 28 yes. the one to wake you up from your delirium. will be me.i just wanted to say how awesome the last episode of so you think you can dance was...i mean i usually dont commend television like that...but it was an awesome last episode. the dancing is always inspiring, i could have done with less montaging, but all good...and leona lewis omg she is awesome...to hear her live would be holyshitomfg... she had a falsetto that nearly blew the mic out...im serious...a ringing sound came up for a slight second or two during one of the bigger notes. and man, those eyes plus her skin colour and the pink, yeah she was hot as. but yeah definately someone to look out for...she seemed so humble too. yes! yeah it was good to see jack win, he seems like a good guy and a great dancer. it would have been nice to see any of the four for different reasons. though. the show was a bit long, but it was all good. bloody rove was sooo damn funny, one of the best episodes ive seen by far as well. jokes were flying left, right and center and i my cheeks were even sore from laughing! highlights were hugh jackman's interview, along with petespace. hamish and andy always do a great job in their own way and ryan shelton takes it from another p.o.v. and hughes haha what's not to like. anyway this is sounding a bit like a lame ass review, but yeah, i could have been doing hw..but o well i think it was worth it. im set for the week though i think. best of luck for others who have it tough too. here's a poem for you guys...though it's unrelated haha. --- again for the last time. 24.4.08 flutter do feelings for us fighting on vague ambition as though we were never strangers too late for the scramble back regret will drop from us soon enough --- thank you and good night. Gackt - 野に咲く花のように (pf.style) .w i l l ... - DANCE. LEONA. LAUGH. April 25 time will never be free anymore.i wonder how long it'll be until i post something else up haha. i've never thought about how my blogging would end up. it wasn't ever considered that id just stop back then...during my days of posting everyday, but now it has really changed, though not my intention, but it looks like i went on a bit of a 'break'.
typing this stuff up now brings back a funny nostalgic feeling, haha ...yeah even though it's only been months since the last real entry, the feeling of typing what im thinking from my head straight to a blank page gives you a certain feeling. ok here i go not really making sense, but oh well, it's not like we're face to face so i guess i dont have to really explain it.
so, yeah i was thinking about time before. when i was trying to come up with a name for this entry, i was like.."hmmm it's been so long, what's a good way of heralding or explaining this return?...well it's all about time isn't it? it takes time to do anything, and i havent really had the time to blog... so i havent had free time..." so i was just going to call this entry 'free time'. then i thought about it again and how well...as you get older, time does seem to equate more and more to money. i wondered about how the term was coined, whether they had considered the possible meaning it had to do with time in which you were paid with. well, at the end of the little mind trip i guess i settled on 'time will never be free anymore' cos im become an old bum, and will start to be tighter with my time. i mean as a kid...haha i think im still a kid now...(yeah i know age doesnt determine how 'young' or 'old' your mind is) as a kid i wasted a lot of time...that's how a mature person would put it, but to me, i think whatever you do, as long as you are in control, you can gain something from it. you just have to keep your eyes and mind open.
ok that was pretty BS. o well...what's written is written.
ok my brains not really ready to make sense this early in the morning (eleven am LOL) but yeah i just woke up ok...
anyhoo, yeah i did say i would post up my blog on the golden days at torquay, but yeah i think i'll keep it for now...and haha the massive archive ive kept since then ...i'll hold it off from being chucked onto here...cos yeah it's pretty pointless to post about two months ago isnt it? but it has been a good few months. since switching to monash it's been good. i think i can say that for sure now. i mean it hasnt changed me, but it has made things better and maybe one of the conditions fulfilled for me to grow to be GREATER, BETTER, STRONGER.... or WHATEVER! mmm yeah.
ok dang, i was gonna post a poem that i wrote out of guilt that i hadn't written in a while, but it's on the lappy :[. o well next time i guess then.
hmmm should i reflect on what ive been up to? well there have been quite a few bdays lately. jim's and chee's last month (omg last month...and we still havent finished organising the presents) alberts too, dil's and phils, julie's and xan's too. there were a few twentyfirsts so there was some depletion of funds from the bank of will. and man did they come at a busy time! but yeah they were all good... all good.
ok ive been distracted so it's time to finish this entry for now...
i shall be back.
アンティック-珈琲店- - スノーシーン
rock
.w i l l ... - wyrejifn. March 06 merry.she 6.3.08
she combs her hair with a paint brush
brushes her teeth with white paint eats cheeseburgers for breakfast then does dinner with cornflakes never a tear in her eyes
no eyeliner for the truth just yawning in disguise and never was a listener so smooth hair with bits of colour on colour
her figure a picture on the wind with shades never seen before though never a prize could it win she would save it for one and only
to display to her frog prince skipping rocks on all the phonies it's like she's been rocking ever since not so shy, but no going out there
she hides in the artificial light and runs to the dark to compare where she always know what's right she'll hug you at the neck
strangle your selfish love away deliver you with strawberry pecks and annoy you everyday but you won't mind her
her style makes you comfortable she makes you feel sure and her eyes are irresistable she'll have your heart, eat it too
for supper, for when she's craving in return she give her's to you and just for that is worth living ---
just for fun :p i like the mood of this one :]
uni's been how ive always wanted it... it doesnt even feel like uni lol... i need to get a move on with the workload though. again, next time probably im gonna drop a massive blog that ...lol probably wont fit into one entry :S. i hope everyone's well. oh and in other news i finally got my P's. oddly, now i feel older...meh.
i think im at a good spot in life... but i mean as long as u feel satisfied..you can be happy. i think. haha?
over and out.
Chris Daughtry - Home
sore, but content
.w i l l ... - MERRY - driven. {CalvinKleinJeans sample sale, ask me for details} March 03 the two poems.what i can't help 18.2.08
it is like i've never known it
maybe i have been lying to myself i can feel it, every bit just can't understand what i can't help those eyes of yours set me apart
one look and i was divided no matter how honest, how smart i lost control and couldn't find it that night i remember so right
the sky was far away and foreign but never was it a night so bright i was lit up, i've never forgotten just something about you that changed me
finally opening my eyes to reality now you're all i can see and with you is all i wanna be where were you all this time
girl without you i'm left behind so i just want to make you mine there's no other that i want to find but i can't find where i'm worthy
fail to see what you see in me not sure what strength i can be unwritten is a future i can't see searching in and out of my head
when it's silent in a night alone lying awake in my bed you borrow my sleep on loan it is like i've never known it
maybe i have been lying to myself i can feel it all, every single bit but just what can i do to understand what i can't help ---
let me in 18.2.08
can you let me in for just one moment
is it okay if i let myself go just once let me see inside your eyes for a glimpse into the glow once i was told to always fight to win
to make everyday count like your last to breath every breathe like your first and never think about the greener grass so then why did i burn out inside
why was i cindered by fury could i not trust your eyes to stop me eaten by guilt and worry can you let me see your real face
is it okay if i let myself through just twice let me see you smile for a chance to confirm what i knew many times she said goodbye to me
just as many time she again said hi and everytime i'd turn around to miss what i've wanted to know, to rely can you see me through one this time
forgive my place once again ignore me here after all is fine just let me know that i am sane ---
prepare for 'the return of the blob' soon... :p
.w i l l ... - MERRY - come and make it alright. January 21 one rant, to rule them all. and in the darkness bind them. warning: this is not the normal Will below... i cant say ive felt the emotion of betrayal many times. now that i think about it, ive probably only felt it twice in my whole entire life. i mean i guess im lucky, it's not something i want to familiarise myself with, but i have heard my fair share of stories from other ppl of the betrayals they've experienced and the saddness and disappointment that have accompanied those events. i empathise, but it's probably not very deeply...i get annoyed, flustered, angry even, but i cant say it's a lot... the first time i felt betrayed...hmmm... the story behind it is actually pretty childish, as im telling it as a twenty year old and it happened when i was still in highschool. what actually happened was that a friend of mine leaked the information of the person that i liked at the time. yeah not much of a biggie nowadays is it? but cause the night before at camp we all had been up all night in the cabin talking about all the girls we liked...and it had been a pretty awesome night, i thought it was a good bonding night haha...and i felt that my friendships with everyone in there had been strengthen...(something cheesy along the lines of that) so to hear that a good friend had exposed my tightly kept and most important of secrets, i felt like i had a big knife stabbed into my heart. im sure most ppl have had that feeling before... where someone you trust and value... that you respect... does something unexpected against you... and although it might not have been out of malice or on purpose... it just hurts. it's not a short pain, but it makes your heart throb inside... it makes you frown and tense up uncontrollably... it makes you angry and then it makes you sad and disappointed... above all i guess it makes you reflective too. so here i am now...reflecting haha. just before i was reflecting on the whole essence of friendship and human relationships too... being brought up by first generation im/migrant parents i guess my outlook is a combo of traditional chinese and an infusion of some western a.b.c culture that ive picked up from growing up here. growing up was sometimes hard because i wasn't like other kids that much time sometimes, i wasn't an outcast or anything, but at times things would clash and become troublesome cos of my mixed background. im sure some people have experienced this too, having conservative parents who always used to restrict you from doing the things you want to. but i got over that. my folks got over it too, but it wasn't easy, and it took at lot of blood, sweat and tears and not just from me either. but as i grew up i became more and more observant, probably thanks to moving schools a few times, where you eventually learn to watch and learn about the place you're stepping into so that you can attempt to 'fit in'. that was in primary school and i guess i carried it with me a lil in highschool cos of the amount of ppl i came across. however, after a while you settle in, you make good friends and life becomes easy going and you're set to have a good time in highschool. highschool was really a good time for me though, i mean to hang with the guys everyday it was truely fun. even though sometimes we didnt do anything at all, the company was shared and i guess we were all heading towards no direction together. the key word is together, and no matter what happened we could open up and easily talk about things out in the open and no worry about being lame or anything. it was simple. it was simple to trust, simple to relate, simple to be friends. but i guess it brings me to why im talking like this...using past tense and talking as if it doesnt exist anymore. well i dont think it exists anymore. we have all changed from our experience, people experience things together and it changes them and like most of the time, you experience things by yourself and you are changed. change is the most constant thing in this world, that's what i think, but i also think as long as you're changing in a way that adapts to the changes around you, then you'll always have stable footing. friends hold you up, that's for sure too, like anyone who is important in your life, it is their approval and disapproval that you look for when you do something. unless you are someone who is selfish...as in you only need to heed your own reactions alone, then this should apply to almost everyone. but as we have changed i think we have all adapted to each other pretty well throughout the years. there a lot of reasons to why some ppl get along and some ppl don't, but that's what makes things interesting and that is the reality of it... but no matter what reality you think is real, sometimes it gets challenged... when i was logging into msn tonight i realised something...i realised that i had forgotten to sign out of my msn when i was at jmen's house with dil, albert and chee. a slight thought entered my mind, but i thought yeah it should be ok... they wouldn't have messed with me that much. as i sign in i see it... my msn name as 'cut off my clay dick plz' with a dick as my display picture and also a link for bme pain olympics on my personal message area. 'haha...' i think for a second, before feeling a weird emotion gathering up inside of me. i was getting annoyed...i was getting frustrated. my mind was thinking of a lot of things at that moment... like how fucking immature those guys are... like how stupid, how fucking low they are... and then i see albert's offline msg... "i love dick"... "it was rick". wow yeah that really made my day for me. to be honest i was really angry and am still. there are a few things that are ticking me off, initially i was annoyed cos i actually use my msn pretty often and CARE about what i say to ppl. i also couldn't believe how far they went this time, to put up all that vulgar stuff for people; some of whom are still underage, to look at. i mean yeah i guess no one thinks about them? and it makes me wonder how many victims there are? how much brain power does it take to actually consider others for a second? i mean how do i explain it to my relatives who are still young about what they saw? and the relatives overseas who i rarely speak to? haha yeah how about that? but i guess no one cares... that's what bothers me sometimes...these guys really dont have the capacity to understand it sometimes...to care... then i waited for an apology from someone...anyone... eugene...nope... albert...nope... dil...nope. no one, which started to make me doubt what sort of friend i am to them... i mean ive seen it happen before and ive been part of it, us changing someones msn name or something... but never have i seen it taken this far...and nothing said...no consideration. all i could do was rant to le and kula...who actually got posted a disgusting link too... yeah i didn't know how to feel, but it is a bit like last time ...a stabbing feeling... and like something is squeezing my heart. i donno, i guess i didnt expect it... i mean i can take a joke, but not something like this... i expected better... i expected someone to actually think 'oh hang on...is this going too far..maybe we shouldn't..' i expected someone to think about what's 'right and wrong...' about 'respect and consideration..' but no...nothing from no one. and now it might seem overboard of me... and it might be...but i can't help how i feel. i got pretty angry when i found out that they had been posting links to ppl... kula was telling me how she got a link...so it really made me worry about who else got a link... so i asked them... no reply...so i had to call them... haha and it looks like they didnt even figure out that i was angry even with my 'fucking disappointed' msn name... and they didnt expect me to crack it on the phone either... they still thought it was a nice joke... i think they told me to take it easy... that i was over-reacting... rick just brushed it off...albert said a sorry. eugene said he actually didnt know, but i was on there since five or six...and it was twelve when i popped on...so yeah no one said anything or did anything during that time... i guess it must have been pretty funny...right? it is funny though...how people just become sheeps sometimes and stand by to watch... there was a quote i heard once i think it went something like this "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil was for good men to do nothing", haha that's probably going over the top for this incident... but it's a good quote... and i guess that made me start thinking about things...and i ended up with this angry angry blog. but seriously...three people there...no one did anything... im still disappointed though...but i guess it's cos i can't understand why... so much so that...you feel betrayed and although it may not be that serious, sometimes you can't help it. that's why people get into arguements and fights right?...when you disagree...when you can't understand the other person. i feel shit, but... ...right now, i certainly hope you understand what i am trying to say. i know things are no longer simple anymore, maybe you cannot expect the good old 'do onto others as you would have them do onto you' faith to exist all the time, but that is life yeah? and that is how relationships work... including friendship. it's not so much about aiming lower or sinking lower, but ive realised... probably more to do about adapting and changing. and probably about one last point too and that is... being true to oneself, because that is what you live with for your time here... there may be things that you do and tell ppl, and things that you do and don't tell anyone, but even if no one knows...you will always know. goodnight. IRYU Team Medical Dragon - Aesthetic (a very moving track from a very dramatic medical drama) dramatic .w i l l ... fucking disappointed... January 17 this way to the new leaves. hello again everyone :] im back once again actually... i havent actually posted so much in a while now i think, but i guess it can only mean one thing haha...that maybe a lull is ahead for me :S, but o well who knows. i should be sleeping as i have a nine to five shift tomorro, but i'll be ok i think, ive been ok since ive started so...i should be ok. :] le and chee or as i lamely call them sometimes 'lychee' came over today and we watched some movies...well chee came early and le had some errands to do, so while le was gone chee and i watched bee movie. when le came back we watched the futurama movie to celebrate it's return to the small screen. they both were a bit sub-par for me actually... bee movie is probably the lowest ranked animated flick ive seen... out of cars, bug's life, the incredibles...etcetera, ive seen most of them...and yeah bee movie is like a b-movie when compared. and well futurama...i catch it on tv once in a while...but yeah this movie put me to sleep actually...so many things were happening and i just lost track and well i guess i just derailled myself and got some shut eye haha...i missed a whole chunk in the middle with evil santa i think :S. the day before i went to the beach! yay yeah it was awesome once again... im not browner than ever...and i dont think i got burnt so i think i looked after myself OK, hmmm but yeah i have been thinking each time if i really should be tanning so much...i mean im not lying there getting a tan...but yeah ...seeing how im browning so fast and well..i hope i dont get cooked and yeah ..you know. i guess you gotta just keep checking for any signs. anyways, back to the beach thing, yeah went to the same one this time round again, went down to chelsea near the peer. did pretty much the same thing, kicked n threw a ball around for a bit, played in the cool cool water then went for some food before some more play. the only difference this time was mainly the company, last time it was a last minute sausage fest...it was still fun dont get me wrong... this time we were even-ed out by some salad and stuff...(anyone got a good food term?) we were outnumbered actually, but yeah that's a minor point, more importantly yeah we were getting together to say bye to janice who's going away for a few weeks to HK. haha but i think it's funny sometimes, how people who go on holidays get going away outtings lol...when they're the lucky ones too! but yeah i aint complaining...:] ahhh oh yeah the last blog was a bit random wasn't it, but yeah you know what happens when i get stuck on a deep tangent :p. anyway in other news...next week i will become a monash student and become part of the popular and sometimes unpopular community of monash caulfield. nice yeah? well i donno i think im confused haha. yeah i did apply and i did get in...but i think it's cos it's the third time ive gone through the whole "apply for something i want...wait...get nervous...worry...then get in...celebrate!!" ...like three times already...i think im now immune to the happy gas this process is meant to produce...or could it be i have something else making me immune? could it be like in house and...i have red herring symptoms?! meh lol ok im over making fun of that... but yeah certainly im happy, it will definately be a good change if i have anything to do with it, and certainly seeing how im older now... i will know what steps to take to get where i want to more effectively. anyway who noes...only time will tell children. monash have given me a bit heap of papers to look at now though and...and i donno it's all so bloody annoying...i hate paperwork ...and i hate filling in paperwork even more!..well na duh, but yeah! it's penis-ed and now i have to withdraw from swinburne... but mmm i cant really think of what i'll miss...yeah there will be those token friends that i made, those/you guys are cool...and how can i not miss those wonderful pieces of art work in the toilets that i bragged about last year....oh and of course...lucky coq...the wonderful pizza place that filled rod and i, plus so many other tired and stressed design students out with wonderful, imaginative, tasty and cheap pizzas. but fear not i will return... and probably as soon as friday maybe even...to bloody do paperwork to withdraw :\. yeah there are some fond memories that i will always (try...i say try cos i have a uber bad memory) remember. chasing trains, chasing up printing, craming a few days and hours before deadlines with rod, feeling the relief as everything is handed in and then meh when the results come out. it wasn't the best time, but it wasn't the worse either...and so like all other times, here i am noting it down. anyway time for bed, im sure i could go on...im in one of those moods, but instead here's a poem...im posting this one cos it's not emo...which is suitable haha... --- a bard's tale. 17.1.08 when all is quiet all is finished out of sight a clear note strikes alone is enough to start a blue storm silence in all it's fame in rage and in shame remains unbeatable but alike only to the sound of notes alight since the beginning in voice in sadness in happiness rejoice shared is the same value seen and heard in all fantastic hues colourful reactions grace the sky melodic lines on paper lie forming magic and motion brings to life raw emotion this is the wonder of music it breathes life into visual majestic filling up heart and soul telling stories complex and whole accompanying a journey so great wakes all feelings taht partake like a flower in beautiful bloom audio fragrance to fill an empty room higher lower deeper lighter pitched with rise and falls all over acrobatic notes dance along the page unison with unpredictable life to engage harmonic and poured from the soul nothing above a serenade to show rhythmic ideas bridged with internal sensation there's nothing beyond music as a passion --- how was that? do people still have nothing to say about my work? haha...anyway, until next time... DEPAPEPE - THIS WAY -B.O.R ver.- (a taiyou no uta ost-esque track from chee) mildly wild .w i l l ... new leaves_ January 15 sweet & sour cheesecake. there are a few things i wanna do still i guess. i want to go karaoke again, i want to go to the beach again, i want to go to torquay and i want to get somewhere that i want to go. a lot of wants aren't there? yeah i know i can't keep on asking for more, it's not healthy and not what i really need. there are a few things that are coming true though. im going to the beach later today, and hopefully i can persuade some people to go karaoke as well...actually im sure i'll be able to do that. other than that well, torquay is just a matter of waiting. the second of feb isn't too far away...two weeks away. that's nothing. dad will be home by then too, which will be good. escaping to torquay should be awesome, but at the same time it'll be a good test i think. ive gotta look after myself and try to look after others too, well it's not really my role, but i want to give it a go. maybe that's why ive so keenly taken up the cook role, but then again i do like food a lot :] and cooking and listening to people praise me :] hehehe harhar yeah my ass. but no it will be a good chance to take a breather...now i don't mean these holidays have been tiring, but being away like that..away from technology and everything like that will do me good... it might turn out like camp...but this time round we have to organise ourselves. anyway better not get too carried away on that topic. but i can't help it sometimes haha. i get carried away thinking about things i want to do too... but like i said yesterday, i guess i'd rather myself think about it all..even if i go round in circles... cause i know everyday im getting closer or learning something new about myself and hopefully sometime in the near future i'll work something out. life is simple if you look at it like that. it's all about choices. the first choice is on your outlook on life, how do you want to see it? this is probably one of the hardest choices to you'll have to make because usually you won't even see there being a choice. for many there is no choice; for instance the people boring in war-torn countries, they have their choices made for them already and that is it is all about survival and if it's not just every man for himself then it becomes everyman for their warlord. it's not something i can empathise with, but precisely it's because we cannot empathise with so many people that we have so many conflicts. now i know sometimes the anger and damage digs deeper with history, but that bond that people have with the past is only because they cannot see a future no dictated by the past. when i think about that...a future not dictated by the past... i think it's possible. but what does that mean for everyone else? well i guess that'll never be accounted for, cos my life has nothing to do with everyone. my life has only to do with the people around me; my family, my friends and acquaintences. but it's funny...we all are just small inter-joined clusters of existence right? sometimes i wonder about the worth of a life... but you know what, some people think the worth of a life can only be measured by those who know it's existence... like if i was the last person on this earth and died...no one would care...but if i was the second last person left on this earth and died...then the last person would care...if i was the sixth person...etc five people would care. but because there are over six billion people on this planet... we can't care for everyone. but should we care more? is it possible you might wonder? there's a lot of people out there... but why not try and care? everyone's lives are important...what im trying to say is that... no matter who or how many people care about you... you are still important for yourself. because even as the last person on earth, your own acknowledgement that you have existed is paramount. which leads to the second choice of what do you want to do with your existence? this is tough one too i haha, and i mean we can't help but measure it with value and memories over time. but really what is a waste and what is valuable? there really is no measure to use... apart from what's on one's heart. for what matters to you, only you will understand why and how much? that's enough of an internal reflection i think. i do not expect anyone to understand...i dont even think i understand what i've been writing fully, but i guess i see these words valuable in the fact that it took up time to conjure and in the future provide me with entertainment for a short period of time. worth it for me. Galileo OST - VS ~Chikaku to Kairaku no Rasen~ set 。w i l l :: b-b-beach!!! January 13 first thirteen of eight.i havent had many shifts since new years day. this month i actually only have about fourty hours of work, which was equivalant to what i did to some of the weeks in december. but as mum says in chinese "ho tin wan mai lok yu", which means something like "earn when it's good for when it's bad too"...lol.
because i havent had much work ive had time to bum round, catch up with people and well...spend money :[. i spent most of last week at home watching tvb - a show about the hardships of being a woman in this day and age - LOL and yeah just staying away from the hot hot weather. i think that was pretty much it. haha.
this week was more eventful though, on sunday i went over to jmen's house with dil and cooked dinner along with a handful of the dota-ppl. to feed the five/six people we had we fixed up three dishes. i was in charge of the instant curry haha...and although it sounds easy, i found my challenge in timing everything so that the ingredients would turn out right...that the carrot werent too hard, the potatoes werent too soft and the chicken...cook haha. it turned out 'not bad'. next we made the traditional tomato, egg and beef stir-fry... which was a combined effort from dil and i. but yeah i screwed it up cos i put the tomatoes in too early, before the eggs were ready...which led to the eggs over-scrambling. dil and i were also working from different recipes lol...but yeha it turned out ok...edible :] lastly it was rick's solo dish - stir-fry gai lan (a chinese vegy), which we did have some dramas with...rick had the heat on till it was really hot before putting the oil in...somethign i had recommended...but i think it was left too long so when he put the oil in the whole thing went alight and a bit flame ignited from the wok. luckily it didnt catch anywhere else, but yeah it did prove to be quite spectacular. after a bit the rice was cooked and we started munching everything up...it was a good effort i thought, but then again i eat pretty much anything haha.
monday i met up with some friends for karaoke. it was fun, as usual haha.
tuesday i went for a movie with some of my nieces and sister. so the second movie i ended up watching for the holidays ended up being 'enchanted'. of course. but it was a good pick cos it was so much better than the first movie i caught - the golden compass - on one of those fourty degree days. enchanted was fun, corny, funny and just overall a positive movie...like how a disney movie should be :] after the movie i met up with charlie (albert) and brown (dil), they were fooding at bob's. after a browse at the glen for liam's present i rode home on rick's bike to have dinner.
his bike owned my ass so bad. his seat was stable...and yeah was fully too small for my gigantic gluteous maximus...and i was wearing slim fitting jeans too so it was hard to ride... i got home, felt really tired, had dinner, felt like sleeping then i made my way out by bike to dil's house to goto liam's place for his bday party.
the party wasnt bad, we mucked around on this zapping machine, getting tricked and tricking others with it...watched other's play games and chatted.
ravi wore girl's underwear.
in the later bit of the night we did some singstar before going to rock kung for some supper. i had congee :] then i tried to organise the beach trip.
wednesday i finally went to the beach for the first time these holidays. i had been revving myself up since winter last year about going to the beach once summer and the hot weather hit, but work got the better of me and lol yeah i left it to the ninth day of two thousand and eight to finally get there. but it was awesome. we got there round three someting and finally got into it at about four. spent the time browning up, playing ball, mucking round in the water - doing our ritual ahah and yeah just having a good time. had our traditional fish and chips meal, fed the gulls then made our way back for some more fun. played till it was seven:thirty or so before going back home.
thursday was so damn hot...i didn thave work so i woke up late. tried to find a place to go to aviod the heat...but yeah it was to no avail. then chee got back to me and said it was a green light to hang at jmen's. we got there at about three-ish, jmen and berts left for some lunch leaving chee and i there, so we played some games haha. we played a LOTR mod of heroes seige...did pretty well too seeing how im a noob...btu yeah we got killed in the end when the white tree of minas tirth was taken down...:[.
friday...worked...nine to five, one of the two shifts i have for this week :[. sigh, but yeah work's the only thing worrying me atm i think...well apart from the uni-placement results comin out on monday :s. but yeah work...my regional manager has chosen to give most of the shifts for the next two weeks to two sisters...one of whom is good friends with her. and she's stated two reasons to other casual who's passed it on to the rest of us...and they were: because they are going on holidays soon...and because she thought they were the only ones available. ...both being very BS reasons actually...and really makes things suck i guess...cos afterall as a casual ive never had job security...but now that she's done that mixing personal associations with work responsibilities...it just screws things other. it's unfair...but it's not like we can really do much about it...she ranks higher than us and she can fire us when she wants to. sigh o well.
i worked today too, but only three hours. after dinner i met up with le's group and some of us fags for a coffee at airstream. supposedly the water ran out in century city walk. after coffee we stood outside like idiots in a circle for another hour or something lol...before migrating to the front of rock kung before going home haha.
well that's been wat's up i guess...nothing much.
Howie Day - Collide
confused
。w i l l :: my world_ December 19 what you can do.a lot has been happening during these holidays already. ive been pretty busy with work, family, relatives, friends and well i guess more friends. the trouble is i only have a certain amount of time per day and per week and usually i fail to actually say yes to every outing or request. so i guess that's how it's gonna be...i mean as we get older there'll be more and more things for us to worry about, to take responsibility over. although at the same time i can understand how u can be happy or how u can be sad living your life.
i mean currently i can say im happy. i think it's rather balanced right now, my life - with good hours of work, being home when i need to be and spending time out when things are on. the energy levels dont always hold up as well as id hope but i know i can say to myself im doing something with myself. equally im satisfied that i was able to think about my career more this year and that it's continually in the back of my head. one thing that's not where i want to be is i guess is that im still single haha. but at time same time i think cos i can say that without the slightest embarassment i know im a good spot too.
there are things that i wish that are different, that i could have more control over or that id want to not burden myself with, but then you realise that the only thing that let's you know that your are standing firm is the weight that you carry above your feet.
in the first few weeks of the break i went over for a stay at my aunty's place, which is pretty much a yearly tradtional once daniel and shannon arrive down from sydney with their mum, my cousin. this time i stayed about a week in all, and a bit less for my sis, cos she recently got a job too. usually they'd be down here for longer, for close to a month or two, but cos now i guess we're all getting older, everyone's got jobs to get back to, thus it was shortlived. oli had to work a lot as well, so we didnt see her much this time round. on most nights we just played random games on the three computers that we had lan-ed up, via cable and wireless...which proved to be annoying to setup. it was good times as usual though, this time round we had the company of shannon's bf too chao, who's a good guy. we went down to the city a few times, shopping - once going to the ck sample sale where we all got some awesome cheap gear. (i got jeans for thirtyfive, but yeah damn girls had jeans for twentyfive, which went down to bloody ten dollars on the last day!! - i'll tell ppl bout it next year if im still with ck :]) ate random stuff, went down to docklands for a walk, and bowling at chaddy too. but yeah since they come down every year, they're pretty much half melbourians too, we just showed chao round a bit.
although it's made me realise there's really not much to see in melbourne. when i went to collect my work from uni i ran into a swiss tourist and yeah we had a nice talk while waiting for our tram and while we swatted flies. it was rather interesting.
um in other news...i got a b-letter from monash for my application into their vis comm class, which is bs i guess... cos yeah with my work, in all humbleness it's easily an a-letter cos seriously it's not yeartwelve work it's bloody first year work from swinburne. but yeah for the noobs, a b-letter means they'll consider me afterwards, if there's spots left. but yeah i guess im a bit frustrated... cos this b-letter shit...it's highly likely that it's cos im from swinburne, a rivalling uni..and as my interviewers put it if i come..i come with "baggage". and now i understand that my background is complex, but to be fair shouldnt u scrape away all the bs and consider the person for their work...and even if my background is complex...my personality certainly wasnt on that day. but yeah sigh, what's left now is for me to write a letter to them, as advised my one of the staff...to explain myself again...the persuade them to look pass my past and concentrate on my character and my work to consider a spot for me. hopefully that'll work.
mmm a few weeks ago chee came to some of us about doign a show on syn fm radio, and yeah we worked on it a bit to try and get a drive home spot. unfortunately when it came to the recording i had to pull cos i had my final rehersal for my chinese performance (the performance went really well actually...even though my folks were there lol...but yeah i was pro that's probably y muhaha..haha jk jk) anyway, so yeah i screwed up there...ben cheng filled my place and they did a good job. then last week we got called in for an interview and well after sleeping at four or five am the night before cos rod and berts came over to look at my comp, which then subsequently led to random chatting...i woke up late and dazed. we headed down to the city; ravi, chee and i for the interview which i didnt not prepare for...chee didnt seem to really have much done for it either if im correct haha. we didnt think we'd get anything...but surprisingly we got a spot...altough thanks again to me...and work...and phil and work and holiday...we rejected their offer due to our lack of time :[ but yeah it's something we wanna do in the near future... truely interesting.
um...but yeah still havent planned a beach trip...and still havent gotten to writing a song :[
although we did do some random singing a few times already these holidays. once at jmen's, then at ben's and then at jimmy's too...but only covers. it's been a while since ive karaoked too :p
today i saw a 'celebrity' at work...i think he was the coach of melb victory. cheers anyone? :S
but on top of that i also spotted quite a few familar faces at work...who well ...i dont think will recognise me haha... it's like ppl of two degrees of separation.
um onto dramas now...im watching two at the moment. galileo which is still airing in japan, starring the charismatic fukuyama masaharu and quirky kou shibasaki. gto, which im still finishing off lol... although ive finished a fair few though since the start of the break which i havent mentioned; three tvb dramas, two unmentioned being 'under the canopy of love' and 'safeguards'. ive also finished iryu team medical dragon too :].
recently i saw jay chou's directoral debut too...'secret', which he wrote, directed, co-wrote the music to and starred in. indeed he is quite multitalented...and you'd agree once you see it...it was actually a good movie that i enjoyed...quite surprising actually...but yeah fantastic score :]. i highly recommend it.
so i think that's it...my little summary of the last month or two...there's probably things that i would have blogged normally but mm ive just havent had time.
so until next time, whenever that may be,
Aragaki Yui - Ai wo Shiritakute (from her sweet sweet debut album :])
well
。w i l l :: GALILEO_ November 29 summer treat.firstly a bizarre story:
LOL...
then i read this:
which is just tragic...
mmm msn news is interesting like usual...but i donno it's more gossip than news i think, even their news section is usually plagued by celebrity stuff.
---
anyway i clicked on my spaces' button and found that it's been around two weeks since ive blogged...i clicked thinking i could write something, but i found that there really is nothing on my mind that needs to be picked. but actually at closer inspection..it's been over a month cos the last time i blogged about something was on the nineteenth of oct... ooo and i think i may have something to talk about :p
but it's nothing to get worked up on. not much has been happening though i guess...since the nineteenth of last month ive just been frantically and restlessly finishing up all my work for the year. all of it was due i between late october and early nov with the final task due on the twelveth of november. so now im free like everyone too.
i think i did ok this time round. it won;t be outstanding all round... but yeah i doubt anyone wants to listen to uni talk right now haha. although yeah this is more like for me to read back haha.
um apart from that ive had a few shifts here and there for ckj, ive racked up about fifty hours or so in the last month...so not a lot actually. but seeing how it's the festive season, ive got some packed hours leading up the xmas...i might even have early morning shifts...when chaddy goes all day and night :p.
works been interesting though. meeting and working with all kinds of new ppl. when i started we had a chaddy store manager, but after a week or two she left, she had been there for two years but cos the new regional manager, who hired me and the other newbies, and her didnt get along she called it quits. after she left everyone then noticed the annoyance of a new girl, who's done a great job at pissing ppl off from all areas, from visual merchandising, us new casuals to the veterans and even the strict-to-the-book regional manager who she had seem to be the puppy dog of. this girl who came in the same time as me...it's quite incredible what she's done though, she came in riding on her high horse of self proclaimed superiority and authority and layed out the laws of the regional manager like they were her own. she proclaimed that "she has high expectations" and that ckj is just "not up to scratch" and that she came here to make it better, dropping jobs that offered her a position... yeah i found it hard to listen to her talk without rolling my eyes to be honest... and i know it sounds mean but i donno the way she was talking it was hard to bear... although she continually appeals to my asianess and that we should "stick together" (LOL) to which i would just nod and then think it's probably best if i dont take sides... this was when i had though she was on the regional manager's side...but yeah things turned for the worse for this new girl when she got a complaint filed against her from a customer...about her attitude towards her co workers...yes! i was surprised too...when i heard that i was like...damn it's just as bad as a complaint about customer service. so after that she got grilled by the regional manager too...which means she's now relegated to her own team of one. but of course i wouldnt be will if i didnt provide the other side to this story.
even though i loathed her sometimes, sometimes when she had that attitude on low id still be able to talk to her normally, to which i found i guess a more understandable side to her. she's actually quite hard working and i guess all her jibberjabbing is the result of her to try and bring the best out of ppl...she likes being in control and having things done right... but really it's hard to defend someone who really doesnt consider other ppl enough...i guess her ambitions have made her slightly imbalanced when it comes to being nice in the work place. although after i found out that her father has been battling terminal cancer for seven years i couldnt help but to try to be softer on her.
in recent shifts though ive really seen the negative air that other's direct at her...but at the same time it really annoys me to see her keep on calling ppl "sweety" and "darling" while dishing out orders all the time... but as will usually does, he observes with as little involvement as possible...just only when i need to. the other thing too... this girl's told me that she's considering quiting ckj already and moving over the oxford menswear around the corner, which is pretty tight cos xmas is coming up, but i guess she's in hot water and surrounded by more enemies than friends so she's lucky to have found a exit strategy...but likewise the other ppl ahve been talking about and are waiting for the day this girl is let go...
and so i guess this is a little slice of life in the retail world..and it shows you how ugly it can be. i think you really have to be adaptive and well a good diplomat when it comes to this sort of job cos there will be clashing egos and smashing ideologies...and you dont want to get in the middle of it. you can side if you want, but i think it's best to play the neutral state...like austria or switzerland...
lol do i make sense tonight?
ok...mmm apart from that...im looking forward to going to the beach :] and hanging out a lot :]...ahh this is wonderful :] my good rellies from sydney are down so we'll hang soon and dil isnt going to torquay anymore, but tjong is off and kula's gone already...not to mention the load of ppl who've flown to china for their study tour though...but i think it'll still be ok haha...it always ends well.
um...damn just as i thought i was getting off facebook...now im addicted to training my fluff friend and betting on races lol...he's a nice lil frog with the speed of three hundred and eighteen fph lol...which is easily two fifty higher than most other ppl's pets lol... but yeah i guess that's about it...it's dinner time now... but yeah hopefully i can update all the tvb and dramas ive watched this semester soon..there's a good few of them there :p
see everyone soon :]
oh here's a poem inspired by the coming season -
half-naked summer. 19.11.07
this is the time when we'll shine
from the morning till night at nine when we can all sit out and dine while swatting flies at the same time this is a half-naked summer
where sweat rolls down half-baked runners the sun burns bright and brighter so that's why the nights are half-slept or rather so here we are waiting on the cool
like the blue and green water pools where we all play around like fools it is these days when we can forget the rules because this is our summer to play
free and free everyday out till the morning sun we can stay this is the summer we'll remember like yesterday this is a half-naked summer's night
where half a moon still burns so bright in the romantic air with beautiful sights yeah this is such a perfect night as the beach waves come and go
we skip rocks with sand between our toes watching the sun setting ever so slow ablazing red as we'll ever know but these times will never die
as long as friends always try we will see these times again we can rely just as long as we dont leave with a sigh ---
Steven Ma - Hui you Zhi Xiang (safeguards opening theme)
。w i l l :: diputs_
November 15 rocking boat.untitled 2.
first to take is first to lose
last to make makes fast to prove in all beginning a distracted prose will end all in detracted woes distant worries distant spin
far from home far from kin collectively a secret tolling the seeds are sown before morning new flags stand strong ignited
stamped upon old flags composted flames to blame to flame dust to rust to dust a mask of death takes the living
hears no scream from the dead dying as rattling raids pierce the skin humanity bleeds another sin in one short tempered space
less is one in the race painted red a tragic tool washed of life is another fooled gone are those who dared
decided by a weapon all is fair when white haired men sit to decide it becomes a duty does homicide then what remains one mother
another for every dead other raining down in a rubble of loss digging out a heart loss of lost so then what are we fighting for
for what soil or oil or more in times built on millions of years is it not the time to live without fear ---
ummm..that's it for now :]
regards,
。w i l l :: weird around you_ October 19 untitled love.untitled 18. 10. 07
it has been ever a while so long
since ive given you a song
a while since a similar peace
but i have missed you to say the least
returning from spring's step
a new phase brought to check
though simple to not say
not as simple to not stray
new rays have taken the light
and from you i had forgotten i might
how i am, back now, here
to pen these words to you my dear
you say you have not missed me either
tell me to stop changing as i desire
but perhaps next time i will admit
like the last time you would permit
looking at me a face so blank
though i first wrote to thank
it seems i am misunderstood
so please forgive me like you always would
stay with me longer for ever
hear what i say about whether
together, you and i we could try
so please don't let these words ever die
---
something i drummed up while listening to some yiruma and oddly... daughtry lol. but yeah it's been a while since ive written something, a good few months if not half a year. but yeah im happy i can still write once in a while, although yeah im finding i havent had much reason to do so lately, but here an attempt so yeah critique as you would please. :]
in other news i got my contract today for ck jeans and yeah damn there are a lot of things to go through :s... happy reading for will then.
but ahh i have two weeks of uni left with only a bit over a week for one of my final projects..the group work one :S!!! so yeah it's gonna get mighty stressful soon. real soon. and then i can look forward to a holidays as good as the last summer break maybe? ahh that was nice although only one word pops up for me when i think of last year... - beach lol. but yeah im looking forward to blackening up :]...safely of course. but yeah i think im dreaming too early....we all have to get this final hurdle down first.
anyway, that's all for now.
minnasan, ganbarimasho!
joe hisaishi - friends
thirsty
。w i l l ::パパ:: ckj_ October 16 rest is what the restless need.the thing is... it was dinner time so i had to stop haha...but at the same time im finding it hard to still make sense of what i want; what i think i want and need both have changed quite a bit within me.
now, i can tell it like it is, show all the confusion and talk about all the stupid decisions ive made, or i can try to do it a bit differently. we'll just see how it goes.
firstly though something a little ironic happened. i was at chinese last tuesday and my teacher told me to read out my essay. he probably did so just so i could get in some speaking practise, however seeing how he only made angela, eva and i read out our essays, he must have found our youthful point of view to be interesting. probably like how i find older people's opinions interesting to listen to.
so here i was reading out my essay, one that i did before the uni break, at least three weeks ago. i didnt really rmbr what i wrote about exactly, but it was titled 'my university life'. in it i talked about design and how i was unsure about it, then i went on to talk about what my job has meant to me, but indicated i wanted a new one and then i finished off saying even though i have all these cloudy thoughts that i would probably be best to finish my design course before embarking on something new.
my mind has been drumming up ideas and wonderings on what to do with my career and my job too. i was gonna say that it was quite ironic because of that, but i guess these thoughts have marinated quite well in the last few years haha, although it was ironic that while i was writing the essay i felt optimistic to a degree and when i read it again it was like what i exactly needed to hear and also it commented on what i had actually achieved in the last few weeks too.
cos during the break something came to me. i found new enthusiasim and curiousity for teaching. while it did happen a bit suddenly, randomly, but most importantly, strongly, and i guess because it came upon me so strongly that it didnt feel like just another phase of dreaming.
at the end of year twelve i did a lot of wide eyed dreaming about being different things from a chef, tour guide, director to something that seem more realistic that i eventually chased for: design. but within all that i did have a little plan - where after design i would learn chinese properly (maybe over in china for a year) to take advantage of what i know already and the growing power of the chinese language and then move on to learn japanese while teaching english in japan. that was the ideal plan i had come up with and i somehow thought i could earn money while doing all of this.
luckily now that i look at those goals about two years on...they are still very much reachable and are things i still want to do wholeheartedly. back then i always felt unsure about making big decisions like that with the fear that i would change my mind sometime in the future...and in many regards this habit still plagues me today, but of course i have learnt to say to myself there is no use fearing the future because you have no control on how it can be dealt to you, all that you can do now is live this moment with everything you have and at most just 'plan' for the times ahead without stressing yourself out too much. that's what i try to say haha... try.
but yes, with regards to teaching the only connections i had when i was younger were with languages and really just teaching..probably closer to just tutoring english on a very basic level. i had never contemplated that i could be a teacher or would want to be one. which is probably why it felt like a bit of a shock and a pleasant surprise when it dawned on me.
what dawned on me was that in terms of the type of person that i think i am, i could be suitable to be a teacher. i might not be the most intellient person acedemically, but i think it takes more than just book smarts to be someone who can teach... you need to be open, observant, witty, spontaneous, caring and probably most importantly when dealing with people...empathetic.
likewise on the other hand with swinburne, uni has not been exciting and there are days where i loath going to uni. i mean to be honest i did not have a person i could call a friend in my design classes, only acquaintences, although that is probably standard across the board for design at swinburne, it is quite antisocial here haha. but anyway yes, and seeing how im pretty influenced by my emotions, moods and surrondings it eventuated in me not really putting much effort into my work. sadly it has been like that for the last year and a half nearly. as i have explained before, the friends that i did make in first year...well they are still there but just in interior design...so it means i dont see them much anymore besides in japanese and the odd run in. but to me it's nothing to feel sorry about because im well aware that i could end up in a similar environment in the future for work and you cannot just run away.
so getting back on track... the thinking during the break made me want to find out about teaching pathways. i found out that i can actually do a graduate diploma after my undergrad and become a teacher that way or the alternative pathway is to pick up an education or teaching course from scratch.
when i first realised i had these paths to go for teaching, i thought that it would probably be best for me to take the former path of doing the dip ed, which would then qualify me as a teacher then doing what i previously planned, going to china and japan.
in the last few weeks ive just been wondering about all that, going around in circles and tring to evaluate the risks and bonuses with each decision. and while ive talked to a lot of people...like swin's career adviser (who urged me to change if i felt shit), numerous friends and family and also a random girl i approached at monash for a good half an hour (i overheard her saying she's doing visual arts/education..quite similar to what im considering going into), it hasnt served to be that helpful..well maybe cos of my own fear of making the wrong choice. noob but yeah.
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ive taken so long to write all this up so im just gonna get it quickly over and done with k lol.
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but yeah, i did apply for monash's visual communication design course and also listed arts/education as my second preference through vtac. doing the forms and everything again gave me a nostalgic feeling i didnt like...the worries of wondering what to do and all that once again. but yeah thanks to my career's adviser i made the move to apply and now that i tihnk about it..even though im undecided i think it's good that i applied...i mean it gives me more time to pick my brain over it.
at this moment, pikcing my brain, i am leaning to finishing my design course and taking the dip ed. route, my rationale is so that i dont rack up hecs debt with no qualifications at the end of it, and then go down that initial path of being a language teacher perhaps. but the truth be told, in the break and at times (especially after talking to that girl at monash who told me how wonderful teaching is...and i dont even know her name lol)...i want to just ditch design and do arts/education at monash to get the full experience of being a teacher and yeah a new course and perhaps have the uni life i had always imagined.
i know not all people have that anyway, but certainly i can see a course and uni change being a real opportunity to change things for myself. however, you do ask yourself...what is the cost of all this? how do you balance these things that you want?...what should be your priorities? i mean it falls down to the value of life for now or for the future, but really with my case it's nothing major between them right?...
ok im rambling off haha. but yes ahh itd be nice if we all had more time in the world...id be nice if i didnt think i need to get all my study done in one go...(i know i dont have to)
anyway...hold yourself together will!!
but yes there is some good news though...yes in other will news: i have got a new job. starting next week i will be a christmas casual for ck jeans, yes! i got calvin klein jeans! in a way it hasnt sunk in yet...and im sure when i walk in there to work im gonna be blown away...but yeah since ive heard i got the job i oddly havent been THAT excited about it..well not compared to last year when i got issued the nautica position.
but yeah speaking of nautica... it has certainly grown on me for the year that ive been with it. and i mean its style still makes me shake my head sometimes, but i guess it being a usually unnoticed underdog brand in the upmarket stakes makes me feel like it was made for me haha. cos that's where i feel like i stand sometimes...somewhere in the middle. but yeah just too bad my recuitment company under pays me and yeah there arent any perks and that all my dj's friends are moving on too. but ck is just next door so that's all good, let's hope i can survive the summer then and stick there for a year at least. im gonna miss making that place look nice with my ace merchandising skills...
so yeah it was funny how i outlined the job thing and the career things all in my essay even before anything started happening. and i guess i feel relived that i can think about this stuff so much. i mean it's annoying not to know where to go, but i feel safe that i am at least having a think and yeah not be someone who realises it later.
i think that's about it...it's been so long that i cant really remember what ive been up to events wise...
well this is long enough haha... Yiruma - River Flows in You
cool oh lastly actually listen to these!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhN7SG-H-3k http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9E6TFb6QRk&mode=related&search= 。w i l l ::ナナ:: o well to related strangers_ October 10 startstop.during the uni break i did a bit of searching, searching inside... as you usually do haha, but i think this time i found something.
since highschool i have basically been going down the path of being a designer and to what that is exactly sometimes im not even sure. the way i see it is, as with every occupation or title you can look at it from different perspectives. jobs can be something that fulfills you (a doctor saving people's lives) or it can just be a means to fulfill you (giving you the opportunity to travel). i guess what im trying to say is... design had become less fulfilling and of course i have never thought of design as a good means to fulfill me either (it's pretty hard to earn dough with, thus hard to travel, nor does it enable me to really help people). but who knows.
in the break i had quite a few opportunities think about what i want to do with myself for the next few years.
--- to be continued September 28 happening is what.the last time i was blogging i was recounting things from the third of september i think. ohh man it's been so long, this is the first time ive felt like ive really neglected blogging. now, trying to recount what's been happening will be even harder now seeing how ive got a whole month to recount.
well i'll start with the most recent week i guess. well it's been a tiring, even more tiring than my holiday week, and why shouldnt that be you ask, well come on no one really rests during the holidays but yeah i did seem to get some. maybe it was because most ppl were still at uni when i was on my break. even though i havent been out that much it's been a few decisive late nights that made the difference.
late night in particular really owned me. i must have over danced cos i woke up sore in the legs. yesternight was joyce's birthday thing at alumbra down at docklands. the venue was pretty glam, it was loaded with glennies and asians seeing how it was being touted as a major asian event, but the music was pretty much just the things we're hearing on the radio, nothing really remixed by the dj themselves. but, i have to say i liked it and the music was good enough for me. i danced a lot of the night away from about eleven till two something in hte morning.
i was pretty tired already during the day actually cos the few nights before i had been up doing uni work and didnt really get much sleep. although i woke up with ill effects, last night was pretty fun. for dil, rod and i went down early to the city to meet up with frank, who got jibbed by work (called him in then told him he wasnt needed) and yeah we walked around looking for subway (one of my new favourites :]) and then a place to buy and drink our pre drinks.
yes for the first time we had realised that hey...why not buy drinks before the event and get happy before hand for a cheaper price? seeing how it doesnt take much for me to get happy anyway. and that night wasnt any different haha. we got a four pack by the name of pulse (vodka, soda & guarana, seven % alcamahol) and a six pack of jim bean & cola zero (donno y we got zero but o well, about six % alcamahol). we got into the pulse one thinking that no one would recognise it was an alcoholic drink... it looked just like an energy drink, but yeah we got caught toasting lol and got ejected from qv. so then we had to think of a plan b and yes i came up with something haha, to pour our drinks into maccas' cups and sip them conveniently. cause yeah not like the obvious lost ones, a few of us knew that you cant drink in public or you risk being fined.
frank was the main person to carry out the mission for the cups. we all rocked up to maccas no doubt looking a bit conspicuous *spelling. he asked for four cups and funnily enough he got them without any questions asked... then we thought hmm we need lids... dil asked and again we got them just like that lol. the next bit was pretty funny too; standing being a pillar near an alley way we started transferring out drinks lol.
but then i was already in happy land i think and oddly not too long after rod was pretty damn red and random too. and well i say oddly cos he's meant to have the highest alcamahol taking ability out of us, he's record being soemthing like two handfuls of hennessey *spelling or something. yeah well it was probably because we were running around too much and that pumped the stuff all around his body quicker.
joyce's thing was scheduled to start at ten:thirty ish. by the time we got there it was practically eleven though, but yeah aside from us we had to wait for a few other ppl, after a bit we decided to just go in first. as i said the place was really nice, the internal architecture and decor were both really nice and wonderful. the tall roof also came in helpful to keep the place cool.
after three hours or so most of us were ready to go. some other groups left around two-am. it's surprising how fast time goes by when you're at a club. so after saying bye to joyce and everyone one we made our way to crown for some food and to get the car. by the time we relaxed down it was nearly four...or five..i cant even rmbr now actually. but all i know is that yeah it was late and i was owned.
the next morning i woke about twice but got back to sleep rather easily. although cos of getting back so late i was so zombie-like at work today. the sales are on at dj's but yeah there wasnt a lot of ppl...i wonder if their advertising is really up to scratch this year round.
anyway other than last night i guess the other event i can talk about is tuesday night's movie with frank and seeman. we saw superbad and damn it was good. one of the funniest movies ive ever seen i can say. the comedy they dish up is just so acceptable because it's nearly just like the type of crap that i share with my friends. it bounces around from being superficial, immature to multilevelled and intelligent jokes. definately a journey i enjoyed thoroughly. seeman did the usual kind thing for picking me up and getting me home, as did frank last night too.
um aside from that...oh i organised a karaoke session on monday afternoon. there were meant to be about seventeen people coming but yeah we ended up with a balanced turn out of twelve. although us guys out numbered the girls i think it was ok haha. but yeah before we started we decided to get some drinks from coles and ended up stumbling upon four packs of red eye (a cheaper red bull) for only seventy cents! at first we were sceptical but after a price check confirmed it ...(although at this point we all realised that it was coles' error) we got the drinks...like twenty-four cans worth. well in karaoke we all at least finished one, some finished more than one ahha and resultingly some of us got rather high from it lmao and started mucking round in karaoke with funny results. i'll just name names - dil, albert, rod and well i guess me too lol. after karaoke we went for some food. ended up at shanghai dumpling house. then it was home time.
last weekend wasnt much i think..but yeah if i was with you can you please tell me lol. friday the guys and i went to tjong's house for poker and games. random friday's group joined us not too long after but not too long after that i left with jim.
ahh i rmbr something now...in the two weeks between the third and the week i just recounted we were playing the new wii soccer game a lot...mario super strikers or something. but yes the first time we played it was at chee's house, before a random friday even, it was the coffee session where we saw grace and joy at mocha joe's too. the second time was at my house, some of the guys came over to chill, then the third time was at jmen's house when we did some singing over there after vip night two weeks ago. ahh it's slowly coming back to me...all thanks to mario lol.
but yeah if anyone else can rmbr anything else that needs to be noted can you please remind me lol.
um i think i'll leave it at that. but yeah since the last few blogs ive finished watching hanakimi, started a tvb drama called 'the gentle crackdown' - which is hella funny and one of the better productions ive seen in a while - but all the other ones ive still got them on pause haha, with the exception of 'crying out love, from the centre of the world' - a very emotional tear jerker. and tonight haha im gonna watch my dled ep of heroes :] yes season two has begun :] mmm aside from that ive finally gotten some new music. ai otsuka's new one LOVE PiECE - a really well balanced and really nice feeling album + soler's X2 - the second release by two bros who can speak like four languages fluently (english, mando, canto and spanish i think) this album features songs in all languages but spanish..so yeah pretty interesting stuff + YUI's new single :]. anyway yeah i'll leave it at that for now...i'll talk about my recent wonderings of a career change next time :] Soler - Track 7
busting 。w i l l ::ナナ:: SUPERBAD_ September 11 no dramas, just life. part two.im recounting from sometime ago, just keep that in mind.
three mondays ago...the twenty-seventh of august monday i had my first driving lesson. it went well i think. i got a pretty cool guy as my instructor. he was telling me it was a hassle he had to go to pre-natal sessions lol and that it owned his xbox night with his mates lol. we had a good chat throughout the whole drive and yeah i did ok i think. we started off in and around lum rd., then made our way around lum and ferntree gully rds, and the weather was awesome so yeah everything was relaxing. i think i'll get the hang of it soon, but yeah in the meantime i really want to go driving more.
after two an hour and a half of uni i went down to the city to meet jim, phil, dil and chee. i was early though so i decided to pop a few resumes in to see if i could...maybe get lucky with a new job or something.
now working at dj is fun and great, i can say a lot of good things about it actually. it's pretty easy going there, i get along with everyone, im on top of things, things are familiar to me now and socially it's pretty good. but if it werent for friends leaving djs i dont think i would have started looking for another job so early. i mean the pay isnt the greatest, but i donno im easily satisfied.
anyway, i handed my resume into two places. satch and ck jeans. i wasnt thinking much about where i handed my resumes, nor did i expect much response from them either. i dropped my resume into satch first, they're a up market store that does really suave and sophisticated stuff for men and women. for guys it's usually suits, ties, really cool shirts and shoes.
after that i walked into a quiet ck jeans store after jimmy told me they were looking. there was a girl at the counter so i approached her and asked her about the position available. luckily i actually ran into the manager and yeah i had a good talk to her, a surprisingly good one and managed to score a trail shift for monday (the one that just passed).
met up with the guys jim, chee, phil and dil, then i got a call from a guy called kutz...who turned out to be a big guy from satch. i was in shock mode when i got the call to be honest haha...i didnt expect to be called back. funnily jimmy got a call from cotton on as well during the same time.
yeah it all happened pretty quickly. so including my finally starting to drive and being called back so surprisingly i was a little gobsmacked i guess haha. it felt like everything was coming all at once.
well after we all ate, all separately ironically, for i ate before i met dil, dil ate before he met me, then jimmy got some sushi, ate that and then chee got hungry too and got something. haha yeah anyway after all that we all went for a short karaoke session at kbox. we had organised it sometime the week before, but yeah it seemed we only could fit in one hour of singing.
and it was a good hour. definately not enough though, but from this found out something new. jimmy is also capable of belting out louis armstrong's a wonderful world with armstrongs raspery croak as well as being able to do high notes like a boy band haha. it was utterly amazing and apart from blowing us away, we all had a good laugh too. we also had some screamer songs like linkin park's what ive done and phil did a good rendition of coldplay's for you (i think it was that one...). when we finished it was about six i think, either six or seven lol, cant rmbr the small details now and yeah went home.
tuesday. tuesday would have been typical i think, yeah had a long day then went to chinese and had a look at the lunar eclipse. it was meh most of the night so i didnt really keep notice and missed out on the wow bits.
mmm, wednesday...i couldnt rmbr what i was doing wednesday actually haha. but yeah ive actually been writing all of this for a while now, since sometime last week and ive come in and out of rmbring things. yesterday night though i realised, a little surprised too that it had really only been a bit more than a week since all this job stuff's happened.
anyway back to it all. i went to uni like i regularly do, then it was off to my interview with the satch guys.
it went well. kutz, the guy who interviewed me was a hotshot and could easily see through me. he saw that i wanted it and that i could be mature even though im still quite young and praised my asian culture haha. then it was arranged for me to have a trial run on friday.
thursday passed without much happening. when night came round i met up with a big bunch of glennies to head down to heist for the asean cocktail night.
the place itself was oright, the music was ur usual rnb hiphop stuff with a few chart house tracks. meh. i had a good night though, but i think it was the company that made it good :]. but yeah li and patty got a bit ill near the end so we made our getaway around about eleven to twelve. le took the sick parties by cab and the rest of us walked. it was then we realised that there was no one:o-five train some of us had thought. so yeah there was a little panic in the air, but some of us knew it was gonna be ok thanks to our good friend maxi-cab who got us home after the asean ball.
soon enough we did find one and i had a good and interesting talk with the indian driver. seems like he gets funny offers for payments sometimes haha...so not all IT indian guys get it boring it seems. but yeah everyone works hard in the real world.
friday...friday i hung out with chee and le after work and we had a really funny ass night. we went to coco lounge for a change from mocha joe's and damn it was good. we had this sausage and roast potatoes thing and some really nice drinks. it was a really good laugh though. oh bugger yeah friday i also rocked up to my trial at satch in chaddy. i rocked up just before one pm dressed in lameass slacks and one of my better shirts, said hi only to be told i was about fifty five minutes late -_-. yeah it seems like there was a misunderstanding, i was meant to start at twelve supposedly. it was probably my bad though but yeah even though my manager was ok with it i was pretty devastated. i thought i blew it. and so consequently performed subpar from what i would have done probably, had i not been late.
perhaps it was the bad start, but i also felt intimidated in there. apart from feeling so by the presence of the clothes and those who i worked under; they were all really polished and ..i donno they reminded me of the intimidation of statues or a bmw lol. just it didnt feel like somewhere i'd like to work, but of course the ambitious side of me kept me fighting. although i did feel pretty crap after that, it was good i saw those guys after that for a stupid laugh.
the weekend that followed wasnt much. monday (third of september) was different though.
i rocked up to my ck trial on time haha. it was eleven to twelve and well i just chatted to the manager for about an hour, it was good, she had a way more relaxed approached and really talked about ck a lot and in a way more inviting way. it was interesting to really go through such differing styles of interview. but definately it made me want the ck job way more than the satch job.
i'll leave it at that for now... i cant wait for the holidays :] even if it's only like four days for me :[.
btw hanakimi is really getting funny now, the sano, nakatsu and mizuki trangle is really interesting now..s2 maki s2
*3* Fukuyama Masaharu - Niji near flat 。w i l l ：： ナナ ：：matt corby's the scientist ftw_! September 03 no dramas, just life. part one.another week has come and gone. and everytime i start blogging i always have to look back to what my previous entry about. the last week has been busy for me i guess, but it's probably just the last few days that have made it seem busier than it really was.
oh ok i just read what i got up to last wednesday night, i went to this lecture on branding. well since then there has been about seven days in between. um i worked on the thursday night to replace my incoming saturday shift, which i skipped for kula's surprise birthday party. i dont think thursday was eventful, friday wasn't much either i think, i worked in the evening, i didnt go random friday this time round.
saturday was a big day, not just for me but for two good friends too.
after a lot of hard work by xandra and janice, (main players i think) they organised a fake birthday party for kula's twenty first, it was going to be lunch at box hill, karaoke and then maybe dinner too. but as planned, ppl either rejected her or called in to say that they would be late. well, when everyone started telling her that they'd be late she smsed to say lunch was off.
we all met at about ten:thirty ish at box hill to organise the presents. we were a bit disorganised haha, but after a bit we were on our way to her house. the vibe was pretty tense i think, everyone was a little bit nervous, we also had a scare on the bus when one of the presents hit the floor. turned out to be just a scare, but noticably ppl were a lil nervous haha. after a bit we got to her house, everyone was told to be quiet and slowly we started to stalk into the lot of units that kula lives. when we were close janice gave kula a call and we all started singing happy birthday. we were pretty loud, i wondered if her neighbours could hear us even, but it was maybe because we tricked her so well when we got to her house she didnt even come out. we continued singing and i even pressed on her doorbell haha.
after a bit of dramatic and suspenseful timing the door finally opened and a short and chubby caucasian lady walked out with an embarassed smile and told us we got the wrong house.
...
we died laughing hahahha. it was unbelievable. we really did get it wrong. http://youtube.com/watch?v=QGD2ExGIVFo just too bad rod was dying too much that he didnt get actual door opening haha.
so embarassed and a bit sore from laughing we slowly made our way out to look for kula's real house,...which was just in the next set of units hahah. but it seems she didnt hear us, cause later she said she thought it was weird all of us were singing happy birthday and then said that we were outside her house...when she couldnt hear it ahha.
well second time round we did ok haha...we made her cry. did the same thing, but of course with less nervousness than the first time haha. we really got her, we sang really loudly, she stood by her door and started crying haha. mmm yeah not something ive been part of much, not with someone i know well anyway.
for the next few hours we got fed by her mum and played mafia, ds-ed, on her wii, sat around and chatted. it was relaxing and nice, the sort of twenty first that i like i think. a small close knit group, no one making a dick out of themselves with alcohol, just enjoying everyone's company.
at about five or so we all left kula's. kula left for dinner with some other friends and the rest of us went our ways to other parties or home. got a lift with the tjongs along with rod. we took a while to find the car haha..they couldnt rmbr where they had parked..but yeah it was ok, found it and got dropped back just in time.
just in time to meet sonya and get picked up by kenneth (who also had patty and alex). we were meant to meet at seven but haha yeah i forgot it was kenneth so it was a bit more before we finally got picked up. so then began the second surprise party for me haha. tonight it was patty's surprise dinner, but the surprise wasn't us this time, but her uni friends who she didnt know were coming too.
we got to clayton a bit late, but yeah after kenneth had done so much hard work to organise it a handful of us glennies were left without a seat. the uni's had over invited -_-. i was dead hungry already actually even before arriving, but yeah what could we do... it was close to half an hour later before we all got a seat and started ordering. the food wasnt bad but i think the entertainment was better by far. we had kenneth. that's all i need to say isnt it haha, but yeah that night we were in stitches a few times haha.
we were talking about asians or something...then sexiness and i said something and kenneth wanted to defend something then it went on to something like this:
k: well everyone has their sexiness...like...like you (motions to me)...you have teddybear sexy...
everyone: LOL?! k: and you have (motions to alex) sophisticated sexy K: and you have (motions to sonya) hybrid sexy k: and then you have (motions to bowen) giant sexy everyone: WTH? LMAO!! ROFL!!! well yeah it was something like that and then topics flew around from catching things like food with ur body and other assorted kennethesque topics. but i say all this with respect.
after filling up we stood round for a bit...chee, phil and jim crashed in and stood with us too. took a lot of photos re: facebook and then we all had to try and decide where to go next.
karaoke was pushed up and after a vote all the undecided asians decided to go karaoke. after a bit we got to x-over on kingsway, most ppl started to settle in with playing the dice game, ordering drinks and what not. no one was really singing though, but during this time we were all thinking it would probably be free...cos that's what we heard from one of the staff.
after a bit the staff wanted us to order, then they wanted us to order two drinks then they wanted us to pay fifteen regardless...so this was when some of us decided to work things out properly. things were in a lil mess for a bit, we tried to talk to the boss and he did the whole "im just trying to run a business man", but after a bit most of us decided to leave, with just patty and about seven sticking around.
it was ok after that, i got dropped home, but yeah before happened, ann realised that she lost her phone :S. well to summarise it, that night she lost it, i called it like ten thousand times, but yeah it was ok by the next day cos patty had found it.
ah i cant rmbr what i did last sunday. LOL, i dont think much, idol was on...i watched it i believe.
i'll leave it as it is for this bit as part one i guess...seeing how i still have a few more days to cover.
Masaharu Fukuyama - Tokyo <-COOL, *repeatrepeatrepeat*
screwed . w i l l :: penniless sitar player_. |
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